Fear Is…Something

Before Jazmine was even thought of, my husband and I dedicated her to the Lord.  We dedicated her again when we knew we were pregnant, the day she was born, and formally at church when she was three months old.  I didn’t ever want to hold on to my child more than I held to the Lord.  Giving her back to the Lord kept me from clinging to her so tightly.  It also helped me to remember that, after the Lord, my husband is first and the then children.

Because we dedicated her to the Lord, whenever she gets sick, I automatically go into a panic of “Lord, are you taking her back?”.  I get so scared.  I enjoy being Jazmine’s mom.  Even when she is sick and I am held hostage indoors and have to sleep with her curled up like a she-cub on my chest, I love it.  I enjoy it so much.

All I know to do, and this is what I practice, is to enjoy each and every day with her.  Each phase, each uh-oh, each “Jazmine, are you seriously putting dirt in your hair after I just washed it last night?”, each “Jazmine, come back here” and she runs away, each hug, each kiss, each high-five, each and every moment including the really offensive diaper moments because someday it will end.

One phase ends and another begins.  There will be another phase of her childhood and another phase to my motherhood.  Often times I want to bottle her up so I can capture each and every precious moment just in case God takes her home before me.   But I can’t, I won’t, I refuse to live in fear for God didn’t give me a spirit of fear (2 Tim. 1:7).  But He has given unto us, a spirit of power, a spirit of love and a sound mind.  ‘Bout time I use some of that sound mind don’t you think?

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