Going back to what is easy and familiar when faced with a difficult situation gets you nowhere. You end up repeating the same cycle you’ve repeated in times past. If you do the same thing all you get is the same thing.
That is what I am facing right now. Do I do what is easy and familiar or do I behave as the godly woman He has groomed me to be? Of course, the answer to that questions is easy but it is a bit scary.
It used to be so easy for me to slip into who I used to be instead of acting in the manner I have grown to be now. More mature. (Pardon the fragment sentence) Not mature in a uppidy sense but now, my actions reflect the change(s) made within. I am not the same anymore. I have more roots in the word of God. I am not talking about perfection. I submitted, and continue to submit, my life to God; what He wants for me to do, and say, and act. Because of that fundamental change on the inside, my outward mannerisms and behaviors are no longer the same.
Sure, I do somethings now that folks may snub their nose at or think I can’t really be serious about God, but my conscious, my heart, is clear before the Lord even though I am still a work in progress. The Bible says in Matthew 7: 1-3 (and I am paraphrasing) not to judge others because you will be judged with the same judgement that you judge another. As a former black robe wearing, stone throwing sister myself, I often fear the responses of others. I was so harsh. I didn’t speak aloud to the person or persons I was judging but I would speak to anyone else who would listen about what I thought of them or about what they did or didn’t do. The bottom line is God knew about it and I can’t escape Him.
Because I have changed, I unrealistically expected for others to have made the same transformation. It used to make me really nervous to be around others because I didn’t trust myself not to try to slink back to what was easy and familiar. Proverbs 26:11 and 2 Peter 2:21-22 both say (paraphrasing again) that going back to your old ways is like a dog returning to his vomit and we all know that that’s nasty. I was afraid of being that dog. Only through “practice” have I become more comfortable staying in my own skin.
I thought the fear of losing relationships/friends was just for kids and teenagers. Not so. Adults, this adult, faces it from time to time to. The fear creeps back in. I’ll have to be just like Esther (4:16). If I perish, I perish. For me, in this, it means, if my relationships with people change, then my relationships with people change.
I know. I know. The age-old argument. If people were you real friends in the first place wouldn’t they remain you real friends. Well, wouldn’t you have to consider a person to be a real friend before realizing that they weren’t your friend? That’s just me.
Most fears are unrealistic. Tactics from the enemy, Satan, to keep you from moving forward. I will stand on Phil. 4:6 and keeping moving forward.