It seems like the pace of my entire married life is wait. I had to wait to have a baby. I have to wait to have another baby. I have to wait and see before I can plan anything. It seems like each year I am waiting for something else. When will it let up? We had to wait for Jazmine to make her appearance. She wasn’t born on time. She was 10 days late. Again with the waiting. My best girl friend lives in California and I want to go see her this year but I have to wait. It is so frustrating! You’d think I’d be used to it all by now since it seems like I have been in a perpetual state of wait ever since I said “I do.”
Currently, we are waiting for a house. We are waiting to see if a new discount club pans out. We are waiting for closure to several business deals. We are waiting to begin some new business ventures.
I packed up some things almost a year ago with the anticipation of God opening up the windows of heaven and pointing out the house He has for us. I’ve since ripped open those boxes because I needed to use some of the things in them. I’ve given some baby things away, that I had no intention of doing, because I planed on being pregnant by now with baby number two. I’ve kept enough but not as much as I’d hoped. We just don’t have the space.
Waiting is not easy. Holding on is not easy. It gets tiring. It often feels hopeless. It is during those times, when I have to remember, when I chose to remember, God’s goodness and how He has kept me through it all. When I get depressed, listless, sad, disgusted, salty, or just plain angry, this song comes to mind. I sing it to myself, make a knot in my rope, and continue to hold on to God’s unchanging hand.
I am patiently waiting for you anticipating that my blessings on its way.
I’m standing on your promises. believing in Your hope, so I can praise Your holy name.
I will praise Your name, praise Your name.
While I’m waiting, I’ll praise Your holy name.
(Patiently Waiting by Hezekiah Walker)