Our Own Cross To Bear

We all have our own cross to bear.  Some people never have to worry about where their next dollar is coming from.  Some people attend more funerals then we think a person ever should.  Some people have a problem with anger whereas for some anger has never been a problem.  I don’t know what it is to have a unattentive spouse but I know a few women who do.  This list goes on and on.

We each have our own cross to bear.  Mine in particular is being a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM).  Let me preface this by stating that I love being a SAHM.  I have ABSOLUTELY NO DESIRE to put a resume together, find a job and child care for Jazmine, and having to explain my bonus children that they can’t come over during the week because I have to work.  Not only that but the last time I checked, day care was running about $200 a week!  That is $800 a month!  Thirty percent of my monthly income would go to a day care provider not to mention that I would not be able to spend all those lovely (and sometimes hectic) moments with my little one.  To my married working mommies, I have no doubt that you don’t have similar struggles because after all, mommyhood is mommyhood but, being a stay-at-home-mom is a different beast altogether.

When I first became a Mommy, I heard all of the warnings regarding sleep deprivation.  Honestly, that wasn’t really a problem for me.  I was tired true enough, but I never felt like the zombie people told me I would become.  What has become a difficult challenge for me, one that I was not completely aware of the severity of, was the loss of me time.  Let me define me time for you.  Me time is not solely baby free time.  Me time is time when I can do what I want to do.  It is not just baby free time so I can do more chores or anything else on my unending to-do list.  It is time when I can play a Wii game, chit chat on the phone without little ears, treat myself to a snack that only I enjoy, or watch a movie that is not Rated-G.  Time where the only opinion that matters is mine.

Because I stay at home, in my average day, there is no time that exists that I am alone not to mention doing anything I’d like to do.  That has become increasingly difficult for me recently.  With a 15 month old, I have had several Calgon-take-me-away moments in a day, sometimes in a row.  It’s not Jazmine’s fault.  She’s a baby.  My husband works from home and I see (and hear) his work breaks.  I often envy his ability to get up and go to do whatever he needs to or feels like doing during his day.  I, on the other hand, may or may not be able to leave the house.  I have a window of opportunity to get out of the house each day.  It is right after Jazmine’s morning bowel movement because trust me, you do not want to be out when that happens, and before lunch time.  So I have a three-hour window with which to get all necessary things done. Notice I said necessary.  Necessary is not always pleasurable but I have learned to take pleasure in them.

I have been in some serious prayer about my envious feelings a few things came to my mind.  1. Gen. 3:16b which says “Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” I had never seen the truth of this verse in my life before until now.  My husband’s primary role is to be the bread-winner.  He is the hunter.  He does plenty of other things as well.  With a job, there is a main job description and there at the bottom of the page in smaller print it says ‘and other duties as assigned’.  That’s how it is in our house as well.  While my husband is carrying out the duties of his primary role, I see what I call the perks of his job.  To me, his perks is his (ever abundant) me time.   My perspective has to change so I don’t hone in on the things that he has that I don’t instead of looking at the whole picture.  2. Growing through. A friend of mine told me a several yeas ago that the woman of the house keeps the emotional temperature of her household.  It’s the same old adage.  If Mommy’s not happy, no one is happy.  That works both ways.  If Mommy is happy, everyone is happy to.  What that really means is that everyone knows what to expect.  We have to keep our emotions at a positive constant.  As a SAHM, my child(ren) see all of my emotions throughout the day as I experience them.  To keep the emotional temperature of my household at its normal level, I have to grow through my emotions rather quickly.  I don’t have the luxury of dwelling on things too long. I have to grow through.  I can’t walk around with my lips poked out and not complete the things that my family has come to expect from me (like make dinner) every time something bothers me.  3. Prov. 14:1 which says “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish tears hers down.” I think of a certain older lady when I hear the term wise woman.  I have known this woman for many years now and, in my personal, humble, but correct opinion, she is the epitome of wisdom.  Everything from the way she walks, her manner of speech, and her conduct displays how wise she is.  She has experienced some great tragedies (including the deaths of both her husband and one son).  Through all of that she still exhibited wisdom like a fragrance where ever she was.  I was having a particularly rough time today with this loss of me time business and went to God for help.  I opened my Bible and this verse was the first I saw.  I didn’t put two and two together until today as I was had to grow through.  A wise woman acts in wisdom in the midst of her feelings.

I could have reacted to what I saw as an offense.  I could have seriously disrupted the emotional temperature of my household today by staying in my feelings.  I could have torn my house (namely my husband) down verbally today because I decided to believe that my current perspective was the truth.   I am so grateful for God’s guidance.  I am so thankful for a half a seconds good sense to choose to turn to God for help instead of choosing to figure it out myself.  I am so thankful that God had a word for me in His Word.  I am so thankful that instead of tearing my house down with my own hands, I was chewing (meditating) on the verse He gave me.  I am so thankful that in choosing to be obedient to His Word, I was able to see the whole picture.

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