I just had one of those moments. In this case, the moment lasted about 18 minutes.
It is not uncommon for bonus moms to have these moments with her husband. Most people think the moments come up because of differences in opinion over money but that is not true. The moments come when you feel your personal life being infringed upon. It all boils down to control issues.
It is fleshly human nature to want to control your environment; anything and everything that you are remotely involved in. But, when you have children out-of-wedlock, you don’t have exclusive control. It’s unfortunate that people believe that this is only true for the father or the non-custodial parent. The truth is, it is true for both father and mother and the spouses of each.
Most issues come about because there is a desire to have “your way”. We may not say it out right but that is what is meant. Some get passive aggressive to obtain their way. Some are conniving. Some use false humility. Some are downright overt. It’s unfortunate that people believe that those tactics are only used by the mother. The truth is, it is common place for those tactics to be used by all parties involved.
As an bonus mom, you have to stand back and let your husband do what he feels is best. It may irritate you to no end. It may cause you to wonder how such a brilliant mind can go simple so quickly. You may need to go for a run just to burn off some steam but the bottom line is, he is the head of your household and he is the father of his child(ren). You are his helpmate. Being an bonus mom is no different from your other wifely duty as his helpmate. You have his back. You are his encourager. You can give your opinion but you must tread lightly. In all things, pray first. You do not want there to be a rift between the two of you because you gave a word of truth at an inappropriate time or that you spoke your feelings without regard to his.
He may make choices that may not be the best but he has to learn from them just like you have to learn from yours. You can’t say “I told you so”. That phrase is not acceptable with any other marital disagreement and it certainly does not have a place when discussing his children. It sucks, I know. This is one part of the bonus mom job that is quite unpleasant. But, when you marry a man with children, sometimes you have to act like a silent partner. You are not silent forever, but just like everything else married people discuss, you have to choose your timing and your words wisely to do what 1Cor. 13: 4-7 says. “Love suffers long and is kind…does not seek its own…rejoices in the truth…endures all things.”
Now, like I said in the beginning, I had a moment. I am now over that moment but I must go apologize to my husband because, even though I am through my moment, he doesn’t know that yet because I haven’t spoken to him in the last hour. I was over it 40 minutes ago but I took the time to write this blog entry first. Now I must go eat crow. YUCK!