That statement bothered me the first time I heard it. I knew it was true but I also knew it would require a change in me because I was offended. I was offended when I heard the statement because I didn’t want to change. I thought other folk should change.
I am a justice person. I can’t stand injustice. I hate to see folk wronged unnecessarily. I hate to see the guilty go free and the just get punished. I bothers me to no end. That is why I like good vs evil movies but only if the good guy wins.
(I remember watching the movie Traffic with Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones and being angry when it was over because nobody won. It was just the same thing, different day.)
I thought that if the other person wronged me, especially when they knew they wronged me and they knew that I knew that they wronged me, that they should be the one to apologize. They are the one who needs to change. Not so with God. Everybody has to change whether you are the offender or the offended.
My biggest fears have been being treated unjustly and failing. I was too afraid to trust God with my biggest fears because it would cost me something. It would cost me myself; what I wanted. Now, I trust Him with it all. I am tired of holding on to all of that. I am tired of trying to think through every possible scenario of a situation before doing anything. I am a thinker by nature. It’s the melancholy in me. Granted, critical thinking has it’s place but not every situation calls for that!
It’s a hard lesson to learn when you have relied on your thinking skills for so long like I have but it is about surrender. I had to surrender my will to God. I had to surrender being treated unjustly to God. I had to surrender by fear of failing to God. I had to accept Isa. 50:6 and apply it to me personally. I was so scared of that verse when I first read it. I felt God tugging at me, telling me this was how He wanted me to be. Now that I’ve surrendered, I feel free to “fail” knowing that God sees my heart and knows my attempts, and loves me anyway. Failing is apart of learning. Now, I have know this all of my born life but at different times, such as now, it had to be reaffirmed to me in different situations. It’s the same lesson.