I don’t know about you but I get tired.  Specifically, I get tired of walking in a direction I believe the Lord to be telling me to go only to feel lost once I start walking.  Now, I know the Lord does not bring about that feeling.  My expectations not being met cause that feeling.  I go where He says go and before and during my acts of obedience to His will, I daydream of how wonderful and how marvelous it will all turn out only to find that nothing happened how I saw it.  Ugh!

So, now time to refocus on Christ instead of on how doing God’s will will edify me.  It pains me to admit that.  I saw myself as being more mature in this area.  I never saw that before but that is the truth of the matter spoken plainly.  We learn that pride is wrong and do our best to stay away from pride because pride goes before the fall (Prov. 16:18) and that He hates pride (Prov. 8:13) so we know to stay away from it.  But, it is such a sneaky thing if you are not careful.  Instead, we have changed our speech to make prideful statements in a “godly” manner (as if there was such a thing).  Take me for example.  I started this blog by the prompting of the Holy Spirit (see “Is this a blog? Well not really or at least not yet“) and I was expecting God to do great things like draw traffic to my blog without promoting it myself and having people notice me when they hear one of my children call me Ama X while we are out and about (all of this occurring within a couple days of my first post mind you).  If those things happened, I planned on, and would have given God the glory.  I would have told of how marvelous and awesome He is.  But truly, secretly, I would have also been happy that through God working in me and me giving Him the glory, I too would have received some of it.  Why?  Because people would have seen me.  They would know my name.  I would have had recognition for something that I have ownership in.

That is dangerous business.  So, now that I am past the Ugh! stage, now what?  I press on.  I make entries when He leads.  I change His blog as He says too.  I don’t seek my own glory but seek only to be obedient.  If that means I blog entry every two months, so be it.  If that means no one ever outside of myself visits this blog, wonderful!  If that means that God’s soul purpose for me to start this blog was for me to learn more about Him, Praise God!


2 thoughts on “Ugh!

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